Ruined orgasms are a common kink in BDSM and can be highly erotic for some partners. It involves building someone up to the point of orgasm and then stopping stimulation before climax occurs.
Skyler says those interested in ruined orgasms should learn about it from a trusted source so they know how to play safely and responsibly.
1. Overstimulation
The most obvious way to ruin an orgasm is by overwhelming it with too much stimulation. It can be tempting to push right through to the peak of an orgasm, but if you do too quickly, it can overstimulate and destroy it. This can happen during masturbation, oral sex, clitoral stimulation, and even fucking.
If a person isn’t careful, they can keep increasing the intensity of stimulation until it becomes uncomfortable or painful. This can be a great tool for dominants who like to tease and control their partners. For example, they might start out riding a sub and then stop just as she gets to the point of climax. Then, they might ride her again and then stop, alternating this on-and-off pattern over and over.
This type of kink can be very satisfying for both dominants and submissives, but it’s important that it is mutually consented. “Before engaging in this kind of sex play, it’s crucial that you and your partner talk about the experience and come to an agreement on the level of pleasure, humiliation, and control,” says Saynt.
For some people, a ruined orgasm feels kinkier than a climax because it’s a rush of erotic anticipation followed by the disappointment of not reaching the top. Moreover, for someone who finds a lot of pleasure in control and punishment, a ruined orgasm can be an intense kink.
2. Intense Physical Contact
In the BDSM world, people love to play with orgasms in various ways. Whether it’s through whips, chains, or buckets of lube, everyone has their own unique kinks and pleasures. Some prefer to deliberately ruin an orgasm.
This type of kink can be a lot of fun, especially with the right partner. For example, a dominant partner may intentionally spoil an orgasm by stopping stimulation just before the point of climax. In some cases, this can result in ejaculation without the actual orgasm. In other cases, the orgasm can be stifled, but less intense than it would have been.
Ruined orgasm play can be a great way for dominant partners to tease their subs, build up erotic tension and then stop the stimulation before it gets too intense. This can be a powerful experience for many subs, who find it exciting to get close to orgasm and then have their pleasure denied.
In this case, it’s important for the dominant partner to communicate clearly. Some subs won’t want the humiliation of ruined orgasm play, so it’s essential to discuss this before starting. Other subs may enjoy it, but only for the control aspect or a desire to be rewarded with pleasure that they’re not sure they deserve. It’s also possible to do a combination of both, with the dominant meddling in the beginning and then letting up to see what happens.
3. Discomfort
Adding pain into the mix can help ruin an orgasm, especially if you’re a masochist. You can do this by slapping your partner or pinching their genitals. Pinching the head of a man’s penis is particularly effective at ruining an orgasm, because it prevents him from ejaculating as hard as he normally would.
Ruining an orgasm can be fun for both partners, and it’s a great way to experiment with bondage, role play, and other kinks. However, this technique isn’t for everyone and can be harmful if used improperly. For example, if you’re not sure how to make an orgasm painful for your partner, you should first ask them what type of pain feels most pleasurable to them.
You can also use sex toys like Fleshlights and vibrators to arouse your partner before you start ruining their orgasms. This will build up sexual tension and arousal, making it harder to break the mood. Once your partner is at the point of an orgasm, you can start taking control of the situation by stopping all stimulation and movement. This might include putting a hand on their back or using under-the-bed restraints to keep them from thrusting or sucking as much as possible.
This is called edging, and it’s one of the most common ways to ruin an orgasm. It’s also a great way to learn about your own arousal patterns and body.
4. Unpleasant Emotions
When an orgasm is ruined, it’s often due to unpleasant emotions like frustration and disappointment. This is especially common with dom-sub play. But it can happen for other reasons as well, such as when someone else interrupts you while you’re in the middle of orgasm play or a pet jumps on your bed while you’re masturbating alone.
Ruined orgasms can also be intentionally spoiled by a dominant partner, which is a common practice in BDSM play. This involves getting the submissive very aroused and then stopping stimulation just as they’re about to reach orgasm. This can lead to a low-quality orgasm for the bottom and may even be painful.
Some people enjoy this experience for various reasons. Some subs like the humiliation and control aspects of it while others prefer a lower-quality orgasm that’s still satisfying. This is why communication between partners is so important.
To prevent ruined orgasms, Saynt recommends incorporating toys into your play. She suggests the Lovers Wonder Wand, which “gives the feel of an orgasm without all the pressure, allowing for slow, controlled and intimate movements.” Queen adds that doms can tease their partners by giving a hand job or fingering them to build up sexual tension. She also recommends experimenting with starting and stopping, as well as teasing the clitoris to see what the bottom responds best to.
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