For some people, orgasm anxiety can be a very real hurdle to enjoying and sharing sensual pleasure. There are several things that can cause this, including underlying mental health issues and certain medications.
Men often believe that a good sexual encounter isn’t complete unless they climax, which can create an immense amount of pressure to cum. This can lead to anxiety about whether or not they will orgasm, or if they are taking too long.
Causes
There are a number of factors that can cause orgasm anxiety. It can be the result of an underlying medical issue, such as a hormone imbalance or side effects from certain medications. It can also be caused by emotional trauma, such as sexual abuse or an incestuous relationship. Other causes include body image issues and insufficient self-knowledge about what brings pleasure. If one does not understand what gives them pleasure, they can become preoccupied with trying to get orgasms in the wrong way — which makes it harder to achieve them.
Another factor that contributes to orgasm anxiety is an internalized pressure to reach climax during partnered sexual activity. Many people equate orgasms with the sexual experience itself and feel like sex was unsuccessful if they don’t have an orgasm during intercourse or oral play. This hyper-focus on orgasms is counterproductive because it takes away from the sensual experience and leads to a higher level of tension, which makes it harder to reach climax – This part is a product of the portal team’s effort Pleasure Paradigm.
In addition, some people may have a fear of being judged by their partners for not having orgasms during sex. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, which can make it even more difficult to reach orgasms. Often, this is the result of unrealistic expectations and lack of communication between partners. A sex therapist or counselor is usually best-suited to address these issues and work with couples to improve their sex life.
Symptoms
Orgasm anxiety can manifest as hyperfocusing on achieving orgasm, which puts internalized pressure to cum and may lead to feelings of failure. This fixation can be counterproductive because it prevents you from being fully present with your partner during sex. It can also cause you to clench your muscles or overthink sexual sensations, which interferes with pleasure.
Orgasm anxieties can be exacerbated by relationship issues or by a lack of self-knowledge about what gives you pleasure, such as the type of touch or stimulation that brings you pleasure. It’s important to communicate with your partners about your preferences to avoid misunderstandings and increase your satisfaction during intercourse.
Anxiety symptoms include a racing heart, sweaty palms and an overall feeling of impending doom. It’s not uncommon for anxiety to rear its ugly head at the most inconvenient times, such as during a romantic encounter or while trying to relax.
If you’re struggling with orgasm anxiety, it’s a good idea to see your doctor, especially if your symptoms have worsened. Your doctor can help you figure out the root cause of your anxiety by asking questions about your sex life, relationships and medical history. They may also perform an examination or order tests if they suspect a physical condition is to blame. Talking with a therapist who specializes in sexual anxiety can help you overcome your fears and have more pleasurable sex.
Treatment
Occasional difficulty reaching orgasm is normal, especially if there’s a lot going on in your relationship and/or daily life. If you experience orgasm anxiety regularly, however, it may be time to get some help. Talk to your doctor or a sex therapist. They can assess whether a medical cause is at play, such as a hormone imbalance or medication side effect.
It’s also important to communicate with your partner about your orgasm anxiety and if it’s impacting your relationship. Being open with your partner and trying to find a solution together can draw you closer as a couple and help relieve sexual performance anxiety.
During sex, it can be helpful to focus on how good it feels to touch and kiss each other, or on specific sensations like that tingle around the neck. Getting in on the little sensations can take your mind off the self-critical monologue that’s likely going on inside your head and can help you to ground yourself in the present moment.
Medications can help reduce orgasm anxiety, particularly the SSRI and SNRI classes of drugs (also called antidepressants). It’s important to talk with your doctor before starting these medications as they don’t typically recommend taking them long term. They may be able to switch you to another drug or work with you and your sex therapist to address the anxiety that’s associated with sexual intimacy.
Prevention
Often, orgasm anxiety is the result of one or more of these factors: a lack of sexual interest or enjoyment, relationship issues, a history of sexual trauma, or low libido. Fortunately, there are ways to alleviate orgasm anxiety, such as working with a sex therapist and practicing relaxation techniques.
Ultimately, the key to overcoming orgasm anxiety is rethinking your ideals around pleasure. Getting rid of the idea that orgasms must be the sexual finale can help to relieve anxiety, as can focusing on pleasure in general rather than a specific end goal. Practicing mindfulness, taking time for yourself outside of sex, and having open and honest communication with your partner can also help to relieve orgasm anxiety.
It’s important to remember that occasional difficulty reaching orgasm is completely normal, especially if you’re new to your partner or experiencing stress in your daily life. However, if your orgasm anxiety is preventing you from enjoying sex or feeling full pleasure, it may be worth discussing with a medical professional and/or sex therapist to explore the underlying causes of your symptoms.
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