If you’re used to achieving orgasms with the help of a Hitachi Magic Wand, it may be difficult to imagine orgasming without one. However, it is possible.
Vibrators are popular among women who have trouble reaching orgasm through intercourse or manual or oral stimulation alone. They are also often helpful for women who have pain during sex due to conditions like vaginismus.
1. Warm up.
If you’re new to masturbation, start by warming up your clitoris and other erogenous zones. This can be as simple as rubbing yourself with a silky, luxurious silicone lube. Or try gently pinching and stroking your clitoris with the tips of your fingers, and teasing it with different textures. And if you’re with a partner, try teasing them by kissing their clitoris, biting or licking (if they consent to it), moaning in their ear, and other hands-free pleasure techniques.
Then, try a hands-free orgasm with your favorite sex toy. “There are plenty of sex toys that don’t require you to hold them, like wand vibrators,” says sex and sexuality expert Queen. You can even use a pillow to mount your sex toy. Just be sure to coat the pillow and your clit with a water-based lube first.
Another way to orgasm without a vibrator is to practice erotic hypnosis, which is a deep relaxation meditation that can take you to sexual climax. It’s easy enough to do on your own, but you can also find a hypnotist in your area that specializes in erotic hypnosis. You could also use a trance-inducing app or watch erotic hypnosis videos online. It may take some trial and error to figure out which kind of orgasm you enjoy best. But if you’re committed to orgasming hands-free, stick with it.
2. Stimulate your clitoris.
Often orgasms can be triggered by manual or oral stimulation rather than the clitoris itself. However, some women find that a certain amount of clitoral stimulation is necessary for their orgasms to kick in.
Thankfully, we’ve got a few easy and fun ways to stimulate your clitoris and orgasm without using a vibrator. This can include stroking or massaging the area gently with your finger or a penis, which many men find to be erotic. You can also try curling your index finger up against the inside of your vagina or, if you’re feeling particularly bold, you can even try sticking your fully-lubed pinkie up your bum.
Another way to stimulate the clitoris is through masturbation, which can be done solo or with partners. For example, if you have a clitoral vibe or g-spot vibe that fits in the palm of your hand (these tend to be smaller and more gentle in vibration), you can try using it alone to stimulate your clitoral hood. You can also use a dildo or masturbation tool designed to hit the spot.
Another option is to cross your legs at the knee and bounce your top leg — which can bring sensation to your clitoris, labia minora and vaginal walls. It’s best to do this while you’re fully clothed and if you feel uncomfortable, it’s fine to move your legs around and explore your body until you find the right positions. Use plenty of lube, and experiment with different pressures, strokes and rhythms to discover what feels good.
3. Stimulate your g-spot.
Some people use sex toys to achieve orgasm, but you can also manually stimulate your clitoris and g-spot with your hands. Start with a little bit of lube, and gently rub around your clitoris. Try circling it, putting pressure on it, or even tapping it. Be patient — it may take some time to find what feels good, and you might not even reach orgasm right away.
Some women also report that stimulating the inner front vaginal wall with their fingers or forearms helps them get to orgasm. Other people may find that using the tongue provides an entirely different type of sensation, while others enjoy using a dildo or G-spot vibe (which is shaped to hit that particular part of the front vaginal wall). Some women can even experience orgasm when their partner touches or rubs them.
One thing to keep in mind is that orgasm without a vibrator might not be as fast as it is with a sex toy, but that’s okay. Self-pleasure is about learning to awaken sensation in your body and getting to know yourself more intimately.
It might help to get your partner on board with this by explaining that you’re working to build up sexual tension in a way that’s not just about getting orgasm, but rather reaching the threshold of orgasm before transitioning to intercourse. It might also be helpful to find a new way to stimulate yourself during oral sex with your partner (try a new licking technique, for instance) or by trying new positions, like doggy style.
4. Let it go.
When you’ve been trained to orgasm with a vibrator, it takes time and practice to be able to orgasm without one. And it can be confusing to know where to start if you’re not sure what feels good. To get a feel for how it works, try starting with something mild—perhaps a gentle stroking or touch that you enjoy. Gradually increase the intensity and pacing as you become more comfortable. Some patients make a face when I suggest bringing a vibe into couple’s time, but I think it’s fine to have one as long as it’s not used as a crutch and you and your partner are communicating about the angles, intensity and pacing of the strokes or touches that make you both happy.
Vibrators can also be a fun addition to sex, especially for women who have trouble reaching climax naturally. They can provide repetitive vaginal stimulation that arouses the clitoris and help you find your g-spot, which is usually found in the middle of the vulva or lower penis. Stimulating your clitoris with manual or oral stimulation—including kissing, licking and sucking on yourself—can also be helpful.
Remember that having an orgasm doesn’t make a good experience and doesn’t define a great experience. There’s so much more to masturbation, using sex toys and sexual experiences than whether or not you had an orgasm.
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