High angle of closeup of half of fresh orange grapefruit as symbol of vagina with sperm placed on pink surface in studio

How to Get a Vaginal Orgasm

Vaginal orgasms aren’t common, but they can be pleasurable. There are a lot of things that play into whether you can have one or not, including anatomy, masturbation technique, and your partners and relationship.

It may take some experimentation, but the journey to a vaginal orgasm can be fun, and help you learn more about your pleasure. Here’s how to get started:

1. Breathe

The way to get a vaginal orgasm is through proper breathing. Taking deep, long breaths can help stimulate the pelvic area and increase blood flow, which can lead to orgasms. Try doing this while masturbating or with a partner to see how it affects you.

If you want to take it up a notch, try consciously pulsing your pelvic floor muscles while you breathe. This can be a bit unnerving at first, but it is extremely effective in triggering orgasms.

This technique is similar to the way yoga instructors encourage you to breath deeply into certain areas of your body. Katehakis suggests inhaling into the clitoris and exhaling into the vulva to see how it feels. This type of orgasmic breathing can also help boost arousal and enhance stamina, which are essential components to a great vaginal orgasm.

When you’re ready to try penetrating your vulva, use your favorite lubricant and start exploring the G-spot. Many women say that this is the sweet spot that gives them the most vaginal orgasms. You can also try angling your penis or wand toy toward the belly button, which some women find stimulating.

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Keep in mind that not everyone gets a vaginal orgasm, and that’s okay. Orgasms can be very intense and involve a lot of work, so you should take things slow and build up to the big event.

2. Stimulate the Clitoris

Most people think of the clitoris as that pea-sized bump atop the vaginal lips. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg. The clit is actually much more than that, and sexologists agree that it’s crucial to orgasms. The clit is partially external (that pea-shaped hood, if you will) and partly internal—and it’s filled with super-sensitive nerve endings that send shivers through the body when you get turned on.

The clitoral orgasm, in particular, is one of the most intense and longest-lasting types of vaginal orgasms. It feels like a full-body tingling and is often accompanied by an emotional release.

It takes a lot of time to stimulate the clit, so it’s important to give yourself and your partner plenty of opportunity for this to happen. “A woman’s best bet is to be open, communicate, and set aside extra time for foreplay,” says intimacy coach Tazima Parris.

Start by lubing up and positioning yourself in a way that’s comfortable, then use your finger or a penis to gently stroke the clitoral area. You can also try different pressures and positions to see what works for you. Aim for the G-spot, which is on the other side of the clit and a bit farther back. It’s more sensitive than the head and can feel really good when rubbed or pinched, especially when it touches against the urethra.

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3. Focus on Your Partner

For many women, vaginal orgasm is a journey, not a destination. Aiming for orgasm can be counterproductive by putting unnecessary pressure on the experience. Instead, try shifting your metric for measuring how successful a sex session was to more holistic measures of sexual satisfaction such as having fun and feeling confident.

If you’re not yet reaching orgasm, keep trying. It’s entirely possible to achieve orgasm if you approach it the right way. Start by focusing on extended foreplay and stroking the areas around her clitoris that are known to cause pleasure, such as the G-spot area (front wall of the vagina) and the internal structure of the clitoral hood. If you’re comfortable doing so, try stimulating the opening couple of inches of her clit using a curved vibrator (Elise 2 by Lelo, PS108, via Bondara).

It also helps to understand that the deeper orgasms require stamina. Much like working with a challenging yoga teacher or trainer at the gym, you need to stay committed and push through your resistance, surrendering ever so slightly more each time.

A numb vagina is often the result of sexual trauma or a sexually repressed culture. To re-cultivate sensation and feel alive in your queendom again, try practicing the “Vaginal Kung Fu” practice, which involves inserting a jade yoni egg to awaken your internal sensuality and get your body back to humming with blood, oxygen, hormones and neurotransmitters.

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4. Relax

The secret to getting a vaginal orgasm isn’t so much in the technique of stimulation, but rather in the ability to relax and let yourself experience pleasure. This is why it’s important to find a partner you can trust to communicate what feels good and to slow down the pace during climax. Switching between fast and slow thrusts can also help increase arousal and pleasure.

During penetration, it’s easy to focus on your penis and forget that the entrance of your vagina is also full of nerve-endings that can feel incredible when stimulated. If you’re looking to push yourself to a deeper orgasm, try a front-to-back pelvic tilt (see video). This stimulates the front of your vaginal wall and internal structure of your clitoris, helping you reach the G-spot and beyond for a powerful orgasm.

Penetrative orgasms require a certain amount of stamina to get there, but once you do it’s like nothing else. You’ll feel yourself pulsate and expand with brain-melting pleasure, and your inner most sensual self will become your sexy queen. It’s a bit like working with a really intense trainer at the gym who keeps pushing you to your limits until you break, but you keep coming back because it’s just so good. That’s how you get an orgasm that lasts. And once you do, the next one is only a few steps away.